I have never been pulled over for any kind of traffic violation in my life. Wait, scratch that, I had never been pulled over…until this morning.

So there’s a certain someone at work who continually gets on our cases about being late. We’re actually not late, mind you, but sometimes are computers act up so it takes a few minutes to log in, get signed in to all the things we need to sign into, etc, so occasionally, I’d say once every week or two, we log into our computers late. My boss kind of reminded me about it on Thursday, so this morning I was like, “Let’s hurry and get to work early so we won’t be late!!”

We get on the 57…and it’s packed. Nothing’s moving. So we get off on Yorba Linda and take State College up to Bastenchury. Bad idea. As I’m going 70 in a 50mph zone, I pass by one of those radar things that detect your speed. It’s not flashing so I’m all, “oooh glad that thing’s not on!! Let me know if you see any cops”. I choom up the hill and Adriann’s like, “OMG OMG SLOW DOWN” and I see a policeman driving past to my left as well as one waiting in a nook on his bike. And then, my worst fear: flashing police lights.

At first, I naively thought he was just following to be sure I’d go the limit. Nope. He pulled me over.

He basically told me I needed to go slower DUH and got on my case about not having California plates. He was as nice as a cop handing you a ticket can be and just told me to be careful. I freaked out after I drove off and started crying. Confrontations make me cry. :( But Adriann said I handled myself well and was very polite and professional.

And I pulled out an awesome lie about returning to Missouri within the year…which I don’t think he bought.

At any rate, I have finally joined the ranks of the common man. I really don’t want to spend $300 paying the ticket but I want even less to have to go to court to contest the violation. I might be able to get off, considering it’s my first violation ever, but I don’t want to take a chance, especially since I was in the wrong.

Despite that rough start, the day was pretty uneventful and okay. Adriann and I have been jogging 1/4 mile every time we go for our walks, so this week alone we’ve jogged 3/4 mile and walked about 2 1/4 miles. Basically we walk 3/4 of the track and then jog the long side every lap. Whatever that equals, I’m pretty proud I can do it, though tonight I about collapsed. I’m exhausted.

In lighter news, Robert made Adriann and I into Sims. lol I think mine is a bit scary (I don’t have a pointy chin!!) but Adriann’s is spot on; enjoy:

Yes, Adriann and I are participating this year in Nano, and I’m dying to get Angel to as well! I’ll bug her until she does, anyway. Nobody has time for it, but everybody should give it a shot. I’ve decided that October will be my month of preparation. I will craft detailed character profiles and biographies, draw a plot outline, and come up with some general information about what needs to happen and when and how.

I am turning my old short story series American Boys into the novel, but in all fairness of the NaNo rules, I’ll be starting from scratch. When it’s over, I’ll consider adding the other parts I’ve previously written in, but to start, nothing. 50,000 words in one month. I know I can do it.

It is my birthday on Friday, by the way. It’s a little daunting to think of that, actually. I’ll be 24. To me…that’s so old. :( I think yesterday I was 19 and I know I still feel 19, so what makes years go by without us taking stock of them? I sometimes wonder if working 40 hours/week is a good thing, as it makes the time pass all-too quickly. I miss lazy, neverending school days, even if I hated them then.

Gay Day Disneyland is this weekend, which is great! Deana, Lauren, Kyle, and Kyle’s boy are spending the night on Friday and we’re all heading to Disney early to have a full day of Gay festifities . There’s even an indie movie playing that night, which I’d love to see.

In South Beach Diet news, I made cheesecake last night. Excuse me, Phase 1 Cheesecake! It was suuuuper yummy and we turned it into muffins and hate one apiece for breakfast. The only bad thing is that I’m tempted to have more than one and that’s definitely against the cream cheese count for the day. But one/day is perfect, so a little self-control is necessary.

It’s time for me to sign off. G’night kiddies.

=============================

With one hand high
you’ll show them your progress
you’ll take your time
but no one cares,
No one cares

I could be so much more than this.
I want to be so much more than this.

…Good good-bye,
I’ll be fine.
Good good-bye,
good good-night.
-Jimmy Eat World

Adriann and I are both kind of bored with the food choices. I wish I wasn’t such a picky vegetarian. I think I’d like to try making eggplant lasagna (with all the right fat-free, sugar-free ingredients - I found a recipe somewhere for it) and there’s a good recipe for broccoli-cheddar soup on Phase 1, so maybe there’s hope. Breakfast is just getting kind of old, and my stomach has a hard time digesting all the eggs. @_@

Yesterday morning, we tried making these “cinnamon omelets”, which sounded SO good, but I was unable to even finish mine. They were actually pretty disgusting after the first few bites.

Tried making the chocolate-peanut butter cookies again with the right kind of PB, but they ended up being SO dry. I think it was the sugar-free chocolate. So next time, no chocolate added. More vanilla, less PB, and more sweet n low.

In conclusion, so far:

Pros of the South Beach Diet
1. It’s healthy!
2. All the eggs you want :)
3. Lots of broccoli and soy foods, which I already love!
4. Lots of new cooking options — I’ve baked more than I ever have before this past week.
5. Lots of beans. Yum.

Cons of the South Beach Diet
1. Food limitations - i.e. no bread :( I don’t exactly “crave” it, but when I ate egg salad without bread, it was kind of weird.
2. PEEING. Omg, I spend half the day at work in the bathroom.
3. Lots of beans = gas. :(
4. Lots of baking = no time for anything else, as all our free time is spent around food.
5. No fruits! I miss fruits, though I know I’ll get to have them in 1.5 weeks.
6. It’s expensive!! We’ve literally bought $100 worth of stuff for the diet.

There are probably more pros and cons alike, but I’m kind of tired and unable to think of them. At any rate, no real weight change, which is killing the awesome happy buzz I had going yesterday and the day before about this diet. We’ll see, though. If I’m eating healthy, adding exercise in should help me lose some of the 45 pounds I need gone.

A couple years back, I remember complaining to Vickie, while we were in line at St. Louis Bread Co no less, about diets that limit your carbs. I proclaimed myself a carboholic and said any diet that wouldn’t allow me to eat bread and pasta was pretty much sent straight from the depths of hell.

Well…consider me better-informed now.

Because of Deana’s awesome success with South Beach, Adriann and I decided on a whim to give it a shot. The diet works in three “phases”, so we thought, why not just give Phase 1 a try and if we don’t like it we can stop.

It is now day 4 of Phase 1, and I haven’t had a piece of bread, shred of rice, even a bowel of cereal, since Sunday. It’s actually…a lot easier than I would have previously thought. Sure, we’re more limited to what we can eat and how, but it’s nice waking up early to have a big breakfast, and we’re actually discovering new recipes for sugarless foods. We’ve been making these sugar-free, carb-free pancakes the past couple mornings, and they are DELISH. Basically, they’re just eggs, vanilla, ricotta cheese, and cinnamon. Sounds gross but tastes just like regular pancakes! We use sugar-free syrup and have been making omelets (lowfat cheese, eggs, and broccoli). I’ve even attempted to drink V-8, which I never thought I’d do! That was actually the worst part of the past 4 days lol.

Well…to be honest, Tuesday afternoon, I was feeling GROSS. The lack of sugar affected me I think. I was dizzy, headachy, and nauseous. But I also think that had a lot to do with the fact that I didn’t have enough veggies for breakfast and lunch. Wednesday I had three sips of V-8 and I felt 100% better. Today I’ve had my full servings of veggies (lots and lots of beans, another semi-bad side effect due to um to be frank, gas), had a little milk and cheese, and had a TON of protein — eggs for breakfast, half an egg in my salad for lunch, soy chicken (basically chunks of protein) in my salad, and egg salad for dinner. Yes, lots of eggs. ^^ That’s the one good thing — there’s no limit to the amount of protein you can have, even the yolks in eggs are OK.

Last night I also discovered a recipe for sugar-free, carb-free peanut butter cookies!! OMG they were good. I accidentally used the wrong peanut butter, so we only ate a couple apiece, so tomorrow I’m gonna make a ton with the right kind and eat up. South Beach encourages dessert, as long as there’s no sugar or carbs.

The carb-free, sugar-free stage lasts for two weeks. So far, I know I can do it! It’s really amazing actually, because right now I’m incredibly full and it’s all healthy stuff inside me. Beans, eggs, and…I’ve been meaning to talk about it, tuna.

Off topic a bit, a couple months back I decided to introduce tuna back into my diet. Not because I was craving it (because I’ve overcome those cravings before) but because Deana’s sister mentioned that eating some fish helped bring her hair back, and she’s a veggie too. I don’t eat it all the time (in fact, I’ve only had it maybe 5 times since I started again), but occassionally like tonight, it’s good and very filling. The first few bites were hard to get past, but I find that if I think of it like egg salad, I feel much better. Adriann actually mixed some eggs in with it, which was good!

So in short, I’m actually enjoying the South Beach diet. I don’t know if I’ve lost any weight (they say you’re supposed to lose between 8 and 12 pounds the first two weeks), but I feel healthier and I know it’s good for me.

I also added a nifty little widget to my sidebar! Check him out:

I want to see the Sweeney Todd trailer so, so badly. It’s really eating away at me at the moment, and I just spent an hour looking for any sign of the trailer. I did find out that it exists at the very least and that a guy taking a mall movie survey got to see it! I am soooo jealous, it’s just not fair.

Speaking of fair, we’re all going to the LA County Fair this upcoming weekend, and I am very excited. It’s been over a year since I moved to California and last year this time we went to the fair and it was just a really awesome experience. Adriann and I got our hands dipped in wax, we ate weird foods and just had a blast. I’m on a diet, so I need to be careful what I eat there…but I suppose if I indulge a bit more than necessary, I can always do a hardcore workout the next day.

I was sooo good this week, while I’m on the subject of dieting! I stayed below 1500 calories every day and most days stayed below 1200. Plus, I walked over 3 miles, did DDR, did weights for 1 mile, and walked around Disneyland. Not too shabby. I’d love to lose 20 pounds by Yaoi Con…though I think I’m still going to fall short of that goal. That’s a lot of weight to lose in 1.5 months.

I’m so glad I have a ton of stuff to look forward to. I just realized that Gay Day Disneyland is right around the corner. It’s not only the weekend of my birthday but also the 4-year anniversary for Adriann and I. ^^ It’s also the first place we really went on a date (though it’s not really a ‘date’) , though arguably that could be Islands the night I landed in California…but I was so cracked out from jetlag, I’m sure that doesn’t count.

This entry was partially written yesterday and partially finished just now, so apologies if it gets disjointed right about now, but I wanted to add that I’m obsessed with new HP art. For example:

I’ve decided I really love the character of Voldemort, too. He’s fascinating to me right now, and I kind of want to re-read Book 6 so I can get all the facts about what made him tick.

Blah, disjointed x1056.05g.

This song “Some Girls” by Rachel Stevens is hardcore awesome. Everyone should download it.

I think I’m the only person in the world with this kind of an issue but…I have major food anxieties. It’s hit me really bad occassionally in the past but it’s been ok since we started dieting, because our meals are more easily plotted out. Until tonight.

We had Subway for lunch, and it was just…not good to me. I was craving a burger with ketchup and of course the one thing Subway doesn’t have is ketchup. Who the heck knows why, but they just don’t. So my lunch, only about 320 calories to begin with, was cut short. I got kind of sick of the food and didn’t finish (ate more than my stomach was comfortable with).

We got home hours later and I was huuuuungry but couldn’t decide what to eat. Usually, Adriann can decide pretty easily but for some reason, she was having trouble too. This elevated my anxiety about eating to the point that I just couldn’t fathom putting food into my mouth. Adriann suggested In-N-Out, which is good and OK for calories, so I figured why not. We get in the car and I all of a sudden crave Chinese: Pick-Up Stix. We drive up there, wait FOREVER for them to get my food together, and I’m frustrated by the wait and the fact that Adriann sat out in the car (she was having issues with her credit card and wanted to call Wells Fargo).

I’ve never been good about being alone in a restaurant. To be perfectly honest, my brain automatically jumps to, “I’m so fat. Everyone’s looking at the fat girl waiting to get her fatty foods to make her fatter.” If Adriann was there, we’d have talked, and my anxiety would have lessened. So we FINALLY get my food and get in the car, head to In-N-Out. Adriann asks if I can go in and get her food, since mine took forever. I go, ’cause…well I felt guilty about my indecisiveness and then the food taking forever…but as soon as I got in, I felt SO out of my element and, again, like the fat girl everyone’s staring at.

The lady behind the counter is awkward and when I ask for “a burger”, she asks, “a hamburger or cheeseburger?” and stares oddly at me. Like wtf, if I wanted a CHEESEburger, I’d have said, “a CHEESEburger” but where I come from “a hamburger” is “a hamburger” with no cheese. x.x;; wtf is there to misunderstand?

At any rate, I sit down and wait. And wait. And wait. My heart’s pounding, my eyes are watering, and I feel sick. I get the food, run to the car, and Adriann’s sitting there, listening to her music at full volume.

Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal, but I just felt so frustrated and overlooked. I felt fat, disgusting, and ignored. Adriann played her music, turned it up, and kind of ignored me. :\ I felt pretty shitty at this point, my emotions extra-bad because of my period. We get home, I open the Pick-Up Stix, SO INCREDIBLY anxious to finally put food in my stomach, and….

it’s chicken.

Lots of chicken.

I ordered tofu, noodles, and BROWN rice. In the bag are two chicken entrees, white rice, and other crap that’s obviously not mine. I’m out $12 for a meal I can’t even eat and which Adriann probably won’t touch.

At this point, I just break down. It sounds so stupid, but I was mentally exhausted and so DONE with food. I just started crying, sat down on the couch, and sobbed some more. Adriann tried to console me but she was starved, so I went into the bedroom and layed down. I felt like if I watched her eat, I’d just feel worse.

I cried for a good two hours alone, which is the worst feeling in the world. All I wanted was for Adriann to come in and just check on me, but she didn’t…and it was just heartbreaking to me. Finally, after two hours, she came in. At that point she was tired and ready for bed, but my brain was (and still is) going hardcore so I stayed up with Pickle and played/watched SVU.

It’s not Adriann’s fault at all, and I’m not mad at her…just kind of lonely and disappointed and needing to vent. :( Food anxiety, for me, is incredibly hard to explain. To her, it was probably like, “wtf omg she’s crying over chicken!” but to me, it’s all about weight, emotions, and just the letdown I felt while around food today.

I’ve always thought, “if I was skinny, I’d never have to worry about this”, but I’m sure that’s not true.

Down another 5 pounds as of last weigh-in. ;)

Still nothing noticable, but it makes me feel soooo great. I’m getting onboard Adriann’s calorie cap at 1300/day. That’s…let’s just say a LOT below  what I actually need to lose weight, so I think it’s helping me lose it faster. :D :D :D

I’ve officially lost 10 pounds. It’s pretty much not noticable in the least, and I feel incredibly large and blah. :(

Maybe this is my period talking. It could very well be.

Adriann and I did really good today. We ate Jamba Juice and salads for lunch, apples for breakfast, and walked for 40 minutes for a distance of 2 miles. I even stretched my old marching band muscles and rolled my feet for the short parts of the track.

It’s very nice having a school right next door!

In other news… oh yeah, there is no other news. Except that we’ll be in Vegas with Deana for Memorial Day!! Oh and I got a henna tattoo at the Renaissance Faire. It’s gorgeous and it’s Arabic for “bliss” or “rapture”. It’s actually so beautiful and poetic to me that I’m pondering getting it as a real tattoo on my shoulder or wrist. It looks nice where it is now, on the back of my hand, facing me. It’s sort of nice to look at it.

Um…not much else to report. Got a Wii. It rocks. So hard.

The end. :)

I’ve been doing good lately about eating better and exercising as much as possible throughout the week. Adriann and I have a mini goal to lose 5 pounds this month, which doesn’t seem to be happening for me at least, but my goal is to lose 58 pounds by April 29th, 2008. I think that’s reachable, if I continue on the path I’m on now. It seems like a lot, but even if I lost that weight, I’d still be considered “overweight” for my height. However, for me personally, that goal weight seems ideal.

I’m attaching a screenshot of my progress for this month, because they give nifty report cards, and even though I missed a couple of days counting-wise, I am trying really hard, and I think looking at this motivates me to continue to get As and Bs. :) No Fs for me!! Never never never.

Any compliments or critiques or suggestions would be great. :) Honestly.