Here’s some ideas for the wedding that could be. ;)

Christine - I mean, Adriann! Cast your vote on the best dress for my lovely.
1.

2. (the back is corseted)

3.

And now for the bridesmaids! Choose your favorite <3

1.

2.

3.

And of course, moi!

1. (obviously I’d have better pants and colors x.x!)

2. (in black, obv)

3.  ….there is no number three, because tuxedos suck. x.x Somebody find me a #3.

I always post about the negative things, so let’s start with the positive.

We are moved out and have been living in our new place for an official week tomorrow. The cats have really taken to this place, as it gives them soooo much more room to run around. They adore the stairs and are even more fascinated by the streams outside. We don’t let them out but just opening the patio door and getting to watch the stream trickle along is wonderful for all of us.

Living with Deana is nice. ^^ We all get along and it’s like having a neverending slumber party. We’ve been ordering pizza a lot. That’s always a good thing in my book. I am a pizza monster.

Adriann and I are considering getting married. =^__^= The circumstances surrounding that out of the blue announcement are not the happiest, but thinking about getting a domestic partnership is actually really making me happy. Even if it doesn’t happen, that’s fine, but I love Adriann more than anything in the world and would love to say we’re officially never leaving one another.

Now for the bad stuff.

Pippin, one of Adriann’s dogs, died several weeks ago. I didn’t want to write about it for a variety of reasons, one of which was that he was just the smallest, sweetest dog in the world. :( I already miss playing fetch with him and watching him roll over on his belly, and getting to cuddle him. I guess he had liver failure and just…died. The last time Adriann and I saw him, he was so thin and not eating or drinking. The other dogs wouldn’t even go near him, something that is so much eerier than it sounds. I cried a lot when he died. It still makes me feel so sad thinking about it, but I’m glad he’s no longer in pain at the very least.

RIP Pippin <3 <3

After that, I found out about my dad and the car, etc. That is at least fixable.

So are you ready for the best part? Oh yes, it gets worse:

Adriann was fired on Tuesday.

The whole situation was out of the blue, which is what made it so unbearable. Her supervisor basically sat her down and said, “Sorry, your sales suck, pack up your stuff”. No notice, no warning, just pack up and get out.

My job is currently unaffected, but mentally, it’s broken me a bit. The way it was done bothers me and of course the fact that Adriann’s friends are coming in from Germany in two weeks and basically she can’t get a job till they leave (who’s going to accept her if she says she has to take a vacation for two weeks a week after she starts?) and that we just moved out, etc… Yeah.

Luckily, Adriann can get on unemployment and they cashed out her vacation and sick days, all of which should pay for rent for the next two months or so. She’ll also be getting two commission checks from work, which will probably pay for another month. Plus savings, plus what I’ll be making (I got a $150 bonus recently, which is good timing).

So there’s an update in the life of Tiara and Adriann. I’ll keep you all posted…but honestly, I don’t much feel like writing here these days. Nothing against journal writing or this specific journal, I’m just too exhausted and mentally stressed that it doesn’t feel relaxing. :(

Maybe I’ll win that short story contest and get $1,000. Yay.

I just about sobbed over that stupid ASPCA commercial about the abused animals. Sarah McLachlan’s “Angel” is playing and they show all the abused animals and then put up some text like, “Some of them were too late to be saved” and show more images… The thing that gets to me especially was the small dog with only one eye. There’s a level and a part of me that is freaked out by it and another that says if that dog wandered into my backyard, I would love it to death and really give it a wonderful home.

It makes me feel so helpless, seeing commercials like that, because I know I’m sitting here in my comfortable apartment with everything I could ever need…and then there are people starving, being raped and abused, children amputated, bombs destroying cities, soldiers dying, babies shaken to death… It’s all too much. It’s just overwhelming to a point that you think, “Even with a donation to such and such…what will that accomplish? If it’s just me giving $18/month…what does that really do for anybody?”

I dunno…sometimes I think about things that are so beyond my little scope, and I feel so small and so worthless. I wish I could take in every single abused animal in the world and give it so much love and care. I’m so so so so incredibly happy to have found Pickle and adopted Nagini. Pickle was found in a trash can outside a restaurant. Someone threw him away with his brothers and sisters, and he was the only one not taken. When I saw him for the first time, he was just…so perfect. This perfect little kitten with big eyes and a sweet disposition. He cried and tried to nurse on the back of my neck. ;__; Ugh, I get a little emotional just thinking that he was only 4 weeks old, probably just off his mother (though he shouldn’t have been yet), and really could have died, even in our care, because some asshole dropped him off without a second thought. And now? He’s the best thing. He’s so sweet and lovey and playful and stupid and follows us around and cries for us when we leave and purrs and nurses on our arms and shirts because he thinks we’re his mothers.

Ugh.  T__T

And Nagini was found wandering around a truckstop or something. I have no idea what her story is, and I’m sure someone else would have adopted her, but I’m so thankful for her. I love her. She purrs all over us, is currently cuddled in my lap, and just is always so happy to see us when we wake up or come and see her.

I just wish people thought more before they took in pets or don’t get their friggin’ pets spayed or neutered or cared about animals enough to know they FEEL things just like we do. They feel pain, most likely sadness and I know depression, and when they are mistreated they can have trust issues, just like us.

:( Bah. Now I’m all worked up and sad. I’m just glad we were able to rescue our kitties. I’d love to rescue more, and Adriann and I were considering volunteering at the Petsmart by us to play with the kitties there to give them happy little lives, even if no one adopts them.

It’s been a while since I’ve written something meaningful. I miss the old days of journal writing when I actually had time to write and read other people’s entries and really comment on them. Sometimes I try to comment, but mostly it comes off sounding empty or listless. My intentions aren’t to sound that way, so at least there’s that.

I love my job. I love it sooo much and it is the best job I’ve ever had. But sometimes, I really hate the 40 hour work week. I’m only 24. It seems like other people my age are out doing fun things, hanging out, partying, staying up late. Staying up late to me means midnight. Though Adriann told me someone else we work with, who’s a good deal older, told her he was “out late” on a Friday, which to him meant staying out till 8pm. At least I’m not there yet.

But I’m mentally drained. I took a “vacation” in July, and Adriann and I have gone on several trips since then, but it never seems to be enough. I’d love to travel more. I’d literally adore being in a different place every several months. I know that’s not practical, but it’s a fantasy that someday I hope to fulfill. Every day I’m trying to think up get rich quick schemes that fall through. We’ve thought of everything…just don’t have the time or really the mental patience I think to make it work.

Speaking of getting rich quick, we watched Richie Rich today. It was much better than I remembered, and it was a brainless break from thinking for 2 hours.

I’m sad that I don’t get to go home for Christmas. I really kind of miss my mom’s house in Missouri. I miss the snow. I miss the biting cold (it’s cold here, gets down to the mid-30s at night, but it’s not the same). I miss Main Street and seeing the horses with their winter coats. I miss driving down Highway 94 and Highway K. They’re staples of growing up for me.

Sometimes, I think about moving back to Missouri. I know it wouldn’t make me happy at this point in my life. I think it might drive me crazy. I just wish I could live in two places. When I’m sad and missing Missouri, I could have a small place there. When I long for the ocean or want to see Adriann’s family or chill with Deana and the gang, I could go back to California. Wait, I’d like 3 places - make another one in New York, which I also miss a lot. Those three places all hold different meanings for me - Missouri is about stability and the comfort in things that haven’t changed and catching up with the people I love most. California is about amazing friends and family and a beautiful scene with a laid-back culture. New York reminds me of winter and spring, and it makes me think of walking down the hall in my dorm and running into 20 people I know in a row, all of them awesome and unique people. I remember concerts of Matt Caplan in New York and symphonies in the City; I think about my mom and friends in Missouri and seeing Jenn’s shows and Cuppa Jo and ‘home’; and I think of my incredible life, girlfriend, and job and future here in California.

Why isn’t it possible to combine all those places and things? Why does the world have to be so huge?

My dad keeps sending me Merry Christmas emails. I finally responded today with “MERRY CHRISTMAS EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE 3 DAYS LEFT!!!!!” I tried to be lighthearted, but my dad is just… he makes me uncomfortable and very, very sad. My sister moved out to the building behind our house. The way he says that in an email makes it sound like him and Brenda and her son decorated their hearts out and made it homey for her. The way it really is, because she’s told me, is that there’s no TV, no internet, no hot water or shower, and they forced her out there despite the fact she would rather stay in her own bedroom IN THE HOUSE. It’s wonderful my dad suddenly cares about other people’s kids, but he can’t sit there and pretend through emails that he cares about his own. It’s so frustrating and terrible.

/rant.

We went out last night (we being me, Adriann, Deana, Heather, and Greg) for the Christmas Party. We all went to the Cheesecake Factory. The food was pretty good, and we all got dandied up. Adriann curled my hair and did my makeup, Deana looked like a 50s housewife (that’s a huuuge compliment coming from me!), Adriann was so gorgeous I just wanted to hold her all night, Heather wore an awesome sparkly dress she got for like $5, and even Greg looked nice. Not that he doesn’t always look nice - he just looked nicer than usual. ;)

When we got home from dinner, Heather gave us these styrofoam houses to put together. They’re kind of like non edible gingerbread houses. I didn’t think they’d be fun, but once we got started, we were all soooo into it.

Deana brought over High School Musical 2’s extended edition DVD and we watched the Humahuma music video, which was very, very amusing and cute.

Adriann gave me a Nintendo DS Lite for Christmas. ^__^; It’s an awesome present. I can’t even. She also got me the Jam Sessions game for it, which is kind of like guitar hero, only actually a bit tougher. Heather got me a case for the DS as well as these awesome Japanese-style bowls. They’re friggin awesome.

I bought Adriann a Mighty Mouse for her new Mac. She has another gift coming…which I’ll mention later. ;) Can’t spoil the big surprise.

Christmas Eve I’ll be spending the night with Adriann at her mom and dad’s and then going to her aunt’s house for Christmas. I’m incredibly nervous about it. I feel very out of place, but Adriann’s family is so unbelievably sweet. I’m basically their daughter, and her mom constantly tells me this. It makes me feel better, even though it’s really hard thinking about spending the holidays with someone else’s family.

I bought my mom and grandma tickets to see Blast! at the Fox Theatre for Christmas, as well as $25 gift certificates for Red Lobster. I really wanted to give them a nice gift that would allow my mom to take a night off from work and enjoy herself at no charge to her. Everybody deserves a night off. I just hope it’s okay and they enjoy it.

Well, there’s an update for you. Merry Christmas everybody.

Yesterday was a terrible day for the most part. The highlight was attending the LP Christmas Party, which was so much fun. I won a huge gift basket full of liquor and alcoholic fun, worth well over $200 I think. It weighed about 50 pounds, and it was likely amusing to the crowd of people at Dave and Busters to watch me hauling the thing out to my car in heals and a dress shirt. Adriann won a gift basket with a fondue maker and a bunch of stuff for the fondue set, like chocolate fondue, a recipe book, marshmallows, etc. I was dressed up like a girl - I wore this awesome royal blue/green kind of shirt that looks like a dress (it was tight and had a bow tied in back) over jeans with my boots underneath. Adriann curled my hair and did my girly makeup.

The reason I wanted to look good - the rest of the day was a nightmare and my self-esteem had been shot.

We woke up in a great mood. We decided to drive out to Sonic for breakfast and then needed to go to some store to get clothes for the Christmas party since we didn’t have anything to wear. We’re just about to the edge of the road, ready to turn onto the major road leading to the freeway, when Adriann asks, “….where’s your car??”

I look over and my car has disappeared from where it was parked last time we moved it.

My car was GONE.

I started freaking out. In my head, I didn’t know if it had been towed or stolen. I started crying. Adriann was amazing and called the police for me. They told her it was towed and to call this towing place where it was waiting for me. Adriann called and the guy says we need to come pick it up.

We drive up there, and I’m still crying, trying my hardest to stop, but confrontations make me anxious which brings tears and frustration. Once we get there, I say, “Hi my car’s the Ford Focus” ’cause we see it sitting in the body shop, “and I needed to pick it up?” The guy says, “Okay, just need your license and proof of ownership.” I say, “oh…it’s in my dad’s name.” He says, “Uh well the registered owner has to come and pick it up. Where is he?” Of course, “He’s in Missouri.”

The guy very nicely explains what needs to be done - that my dad needs to fax this and this and this. I couldn’t hear anything. I just started crying again and tried to explain to the guy why I was upset - um my car had been TOWED without reason - and I walked outside to call my dad.

I had been dreading calling my dad. A lot. I had made a small resolution with myself to call him this weekend, but who knows if that would have fallen through or not. Anyway, I call my old house and leave a sobbing message on his answering machine because he doesn’t answer. I feel embarrassed, thinking Brenda (his girlfriend) is going to hear it, and I really don’t want her to. I call my mom’s house because I don’t have my cell on me and don’t know my dad’s number so I need to call someone who has Tiffany’s cell so I can get my dad’s number.

My grandma answers (mom’s at work) and I get my sister’s number. I call my sister and she says, “Dad’s out of town in Memphis, probably at Brenda’s trailer.” I don’t want to even discuss that. In my head I was freaking out, thinking there’d be no way Brenda would have a frigging fax machine in her trailer.

I call my dad and he says,”Thought you’d forgotten about me.” Through tears, I manage to tell him the situation. He says, “Well, I’m in Memphis.” “I know.” “And there’s no fax here.” “…can’t you get to a Kinkos or something?” “Why didn’t you call me on Thanksgiving?”

This is where I lost it. Normally, I’m quiet and reserved and kind of white lie my way through these talks. At this point, I just didn’t want to lie and wanted to tell him exactly why I hadn’t called or written.

Me: “Your last email really bothered me.”
Dad: “Well, you didn’t call on Thanksgiving.”
Me: “Can we talk about this some other time?”
Dad: “You could at least call on Thanksgiving.”
Me: “You didn’t call on my birthday!”
Dad: “Yes I did, Tiara.”
Me: “NO, dad, you didn’t.”
Dad: “I sent you $50!!”
Me: ……. “Let’s talk about this later.”
Dad: “Why didn’t you call?”
Me: “I TOLD YOU. Your last email upset me!”
Dad: “I wrote that because I was upset you didn’t call.”
Me: “No not that email - the one before that. About you getting married, dad.”
Dad: “Why did that upset you? It’s not like I’m still married to your mom.”
Me: ….”I know, dad. Can we talk about this later?”

The conversation ended almost after that. Several hours later I got my car and the whole situation was resolved. This was after about an hour of sobbing hysterically to Adriann and having her hold me and just being overwhelmed with grief that my dad doesn’t care and doesn’t GET IT and yet overwhelmed with love for Adriann because she’s the best thing in my life and the most important and beautiful person in the world to me.

It was frustrating to me because I’ve been hearing from my sister what my dad’s doing to her, and it bugs me a lot. Him and Brenda took over the house and though Tiffany lives there, she’s more like a ghost than his real daughter, and he just picks fights with her, and I know she’s not perfect or anything, but she doesn’t deserve to be treated the way he treats her. Nobody does. He actually went snooping through her room to find “proof” that she smoked and threatened to mail that proof to our mom to tell on her. I don’t know what that would prove except that he was the last to know she smokes and I doubt my mom would ever even open a letter he sent her.

I talked to my sister about it all today, and it was good to actually tell her how I felt. I feel guilty for not being this perfect daughter that calls her dad every weekend, but he doesn’t make much of an effort either, and it’s hard to put myself through all the emotional crap I feel when I talk to him or read his emails. I end up feeling 100x worse than before I do, so what’s the point? It’s never going to be perfect, so why bother?

Sometimes I wish I drank harder. I would love to be one of those girls right now that drinks until they can’t think anymore. It would be nice to be devoid of thought for a night.

Here are some pictures from the San Francisco trip to Yaoi Con! I never post pics, so live it up, yo.

Firstly, a neutral Golden Gate Bridge shot:

It was getting towards sunset and actually as we left the sun was just setting and it was freeeeezing. We decided to take some emo shots:

 

And then some happy shots! And couples’ shots <3:

And then I decided to be a pimp. Snape be gettin’ all the girls, yo:

Now, for the dorky stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here’s a quick shot of our wands, looking inconspicuous on the desk at our hotel room:

And our School Robes:

The super-dorky stuff, staring Adriann Palmer as Remus J Lupin!:

Tiara Rea as Severus Snape:

And Deana Medina as Sirius Black:

Here’s how the story (as we see it) unfolds. Remus loves Severus. Severus tolerates Remus and sometimes hearts him and helps him tie his hair with twine to keep it out of his face:

Okay, actually Severus would like nothing more than to love Remus:

Too bad Sirius is jealous (he hearts Remus too!). This is how Snape feels about Sirius’ jealousy:

Sirius confronts Severus. They duel:

Snape wins!

And Snape smiles happily (yes, my Snape can smile):

teehee. And now for some extra miscellaneous pics. Enjoy!

 

So this past weekend, Adriann and I flew up to San Francisco to meet Deana and Lauren for Yaoi Con 07. I had super high hopes for the weekend and was so overwhelmingly excited to get to take a random trip with my girlfriend, and though some aspects were a letdown and others just downright depressing, the majority of the weekend was still fun, and getting to hang out with Deana and Lauren is always worthwhile! So here’s the lowdown:

Virgin America

So our flight was due to leave at 4pm. We left work at 2pm, which should (and would) have been just fine…had we not run into TWO accidents on the way. Basically, the traffic was moving incredibly slow and as we inched our way to the dreaded LAX Airport, we realized that we should have left even earlier. And here we had almost wanted to leave at 2:30 and thought we’d have plenty of time!!

So our plan was to park at the long-term parking less than a mile from the airport and take a complimentary shuttle to the airport. Well, we got lost because the freeway spat us out on La Cienega going the wrong way, so Adriann pulled a Mr. Toad and u-turned in the middle of the street and got us semi back on track. We were so late that at this point we probably had 20 minutes to catch our flight. Clock ticking, we decide to park wherever we can find, no matter what parking garage it is or how much. I see a sign that says “Free Parking: Next Left” and scream as much to Adriann to relay it to her. We bust a left and are greeted with two yellow parking signs. The one on the right appears to both of us to say “Free LAX parking” so we pull in. There’s no ticket to grab at the booth, and we’re in such a hurry that we’ve already stopped caring, so we just pull up and park on the second level at the first free spot.

As we’re leaving the parking garage, we realize we may not be in the right place, but we hop on the shuttle that is across the street and hope for the best. The shuttle takes FOREVER because obviously nobody else on the bus was in a hurry to catch their flight leaving in T-minus 15 minutes. We’re freaking out, worried about the parking situation and the slow driver. Of course, our stop is the LAST one, and some girl calls the shuttle for a pickup, so the driver has to pause to wait for her (ended up being at the wrong terminal anyway!). Finally, finally, we get off at the proper place and rush in. We see Virgin America and run to the counter and spot the happy little gay boi behind it.

Exasperated, I say, “We’re here for the 4 o’clock flight to San Francisco!!”

He laughs and says, “It’s been delayed until 5pm.”

At this point, we release our breath and are hysterical with happiness. We get our boarding passes, grab our stuff and proceed through security and have a seat at our terminal. A delayed flight seemed like such an incredible thing. We figured getting to Frisco at 6pm isn’t too bad and we can wait it out and maybe grab a bite to eat (we hadn’t eaten much for lunch — some cheese and crackers — because we had to take our checks to the bank). As we’re waiting at the terminal, the lady comes on the intercom and lets us know that the flight may be delayed longer due to a flat tire. We’re thinking, “Okay, no worries! As long as we leave by 7 or so, we can still have a good evening in the city!”

5pm rolls by. 6pm. Finally, they let us know that our flight’s been canceled. The plane was in bad shape apparently. Something about the flat tire getting caught in something or something something dark side… Either way, they let us know that they were going to try and get as many of us on various other flights as possible. The rest of us would have to wait for another plane to fly in and take its place.

Long story cut a bit short, our flight didn’t leave until 11:30pm. Yep, we were stranded at the airport for around 7 1/2 hours. Virgin America ended up giving Adriann and I vouchers for $100 off our next VA flight as well as two $10 meal cards to eat at the airport. And in their defense, their planes are effing AWESOME and I’d love to fly with them again…but I feel like we’ll never get to our destination. x.x

So yeah, Virgin America = small domestic fleet and horrible mechanics but really awesome planes with plenty of leg room, nice seats, and video game, movie, and music consoles built into every seat.

Oh yeah, and our return flight was delayed about 2 hours. ;)

Yaoi Con

Having gone to Anime Con several months ago, I guess I assumed Yaoi Con was going to be just as big and just as overwhelmingly cool, with rows and rows of doujinshi (fan comics) and Deana and I had plans to buy Yaoi Paddles that said Seme (dominant/top) and Uke (submissive/bottom). But the dealer room itself was really…small. I was underwhelmed so much that it was disappointing to say the least. I had thought previously there would be two dealer rooms, so after I’d perused the entirety of the first one, I assumed there’d be more. Then, we found out there wasn’t…and I was a bit peeved.

The highlight of the dealer room, however, was a picture I found, drawn and Photoshopped by one of our favorite artists that we had previously met at Anime Con. At AC, we bought bookmarks from her (I got a Draco one, Adriann bought a Snape) and Adriann also got a cute little chibi Remus keychain. This time, she had a picture…

It’s really…really…really…hard to describe how beautiful the picture is. I’d love to scan it and show you all, but I feel like the artist may not want that. Let me attempt with words to describe it. If you don’t like Yaoi or are weirded out by Snape/Harry pairings, please don’t read.

It’s fall. There are leaves scattered and falling, casting beautiful shadows over a gray statue bust. The bust is of Severus Snape, probably standing over his grave. Harry Potter stands before it, leaning in, his eyes mostly closed and his nose brushing the cold, unyielding stone of Snape’s. They are mere inches from kissing, a small hesitation between them, and the look on Harry’s face is just so heartbroken and overwhelmingly beautiful.

Again, I don’t know how my words could do it justice. I stared at it, told the artist how incredible it was over and over again, and bought it on the spot. $9. $9!! I basically walked around with the picture in front of my face the whole way home. It made my heart ache. It’s not even so much about Snape and Harry being together romantically as it is about Snape’s dying wish to see Lily’s eyes that haunts me and that makes this picture so much more than anything I’ve ever seen. She captured a weird moment that I could see being cannon in the series, even if it isn’t and I know that. I’ve never really been so overwhelmed by a picture. I’m still in awe.

It inspired me to write, so I started a brief ficlet that’s mostly canon but slightly slashy. If anyone would like to read, please let me know. I may post some here.

Okay, so back to a recap. I forgot to mention that a girl cosplaying Lucius Malfoy verbally spanked me for hanging out with Gryffindors (I was Snape, btw, and Deana was Sirius and Adriann was Remus). It was pretty funny and randomly cute. After the dealer room, we basically left the Con and went to visit the Golden Gate Bridge. It was a little terrifying for me, considering I hate bridges (you know…the whole “over water” kind of thing…), but being with Adriann there, knowing she’d always wanted to see it like this, made me extremely happy. After that, we ate at a little Chinese place and didn’t have much time for anything else. I will say, though, that downtown San Francisco is sooo similar to New York. It was pretty cool.

After that, we had tickets for the Bishounen Auction. For those of you unfamiliar with bishounen (or “bishies” as they’re called), bishies are basically “pretty boys”. They don’t necessarily have to be gay, but at Yaoi Con, it helps! ;) The Bishounen Auction is an event where bishies are auctioned off to the waiting crowd and the boys you bid on are yours to um…”do with as you please” until 2am. They had rules and such, but it’s basically a chance to bid on a pretty boy date for the night. If I were a manga artist, I’d have bid on a boy to draw, because the bishies they had were EXQUISITE.

Without going into incredible detail, there were a couple boys in drag (singing songs morphed to yaoi standards from things like the Producers and other musicals), a couple who more or less had sex on stage (clothes on, mind you), and others who put on an awesome Lestat Vs Captain Norrington show that honestly lasted for fifteen minutes and came complete with a cast, soundtrack of Pirates of the Caribbean music, and great costumes! The guy playing Lestat was lovely, as was Norrington.

A couple of the bishies sold for over $1,000, which blew my mind. There was one cute boy who had dark skin and wore a white wig, had kitten ears and a tail, and was beautiful. I…wanted him. =^__^= I’d have bid my life savings for him. He was awesome.

Ehem. So yay for Yaoi! I got some nice mangas and a GREAT picture. All in all, the bishie auction and Snarry picture made Yaoi Con worthwhile and hanging out with Deana and Lauren made the rest of the weekend an awesome trip, though quick!

And this weekend…I might get to see Angel!!!!!! :D :D this is huge news for me. <3

This is going to be a brief update, because I realized (after prodding from Jackie and Angel) that I haven’t written in quite some time in here, and though a ton of things have been on my mind, I haven’t had time to jot them all down in forever. It bugs me sometimes, that dieting and work basically combine to get in the way of a lot of free time, but mostly, I’ve been content and not much has been up until now anyway.

Today, Adriann, Deana, and I did the AIDS walk LA, a 6-mile trek through West Hollywood, which is an experience in itself. Poor Adriann was pretty miserable, but I enjoyed the walk as much as I could with an aching back, heat-induced headache, and probably scalp and lip burn. ;) I’m weak.

West Hollywood was a treat! Getting to see all the incredible shops and restaurants, not to mention the atmosphere itself, was incredible. We found a Vegetarian Thai food place along the route that looked SO. EFFING. GOOD. They had “mock duck” and soy chicken dishes - the perfect mix of some interesting food.

After the AIDS walk, we drove up to Whimsic Alley, which is a Harry Potter themed store to buy Hogwarts robes, sweaters, skirts, ties, shirts, etc. I finally got my Slytherin robes!!!! So I’m officially going as Snape for Yaoi Con this coming Friday, which is soooo amazing. While in the store, Deana saw a flyer for Harry Potter Day at Disneyland. It’s November 4th!! Since Disney has weird rules about dressing up, we can’t really wear our robes, but we can sure as heck wear our shirts and ties. Did I mention my robe, off topic, has a WAND POCKET?? And that I have a WAND that goes in it? :D It’s the little things.

So yeah, things to look forward to:

Yaoi Con on Friday-Sunday in San Francisco!!

Harry Potter Day at Disneyland the following weekend!!!

I feel like there’s more, and there probably is, but right now that seems like enough. :)

We went to Disneyland on Friday to see Adriann’s friend Stephanie and also luckily got to hang with Greg and Heather. Lately, I’ve just adored getting together with them and chilling. They’ve been ultimately cool. After that, we met up with Deana, Lauren, Jess, Robert, Chris, and BFF HP Ben!!! for dinner at Rainforest Cafe. The dinner was incredibly fun - I got to sit next to Ben *fangirls!!!* - and when Ben asked about pricing on our apartments, I was thrilled. If he moves to Fullerton, I want to hang out with him a lot more.

A couple weekends ago we went to the Hookah Lounge with Deana, Lauren, Heather, and Greg, which was also fun. The atmosphere is really indie and cool, and though Adriann and I are too straight-edge to do the Hookah (it’s like flavored smoking, Eastern-Style), I love sitting around and chatting…and watching the belly dancers is a plus. ehe =^_^=

I really love the group of friends we have out here. It makes me wish Jackie, Vickie, and Jenn could live here too. It would be wonderful to have all my favorite people in the same room. I can dream, I guess.

Adriann’s here and not feeling well, so I think I’m going to lay next to her and cuddle for a bit. <3

Last night, Adriann and I joined Deana and her gal Lauren and Ben and Deana’s cousin (a triple date!) down at the Grove to see Across the Universe. I had really been looking forward to it, even though we had to drive all the way into LA to find the right theatre. It was just…beyond worth it.

I know it’s getting horrible reviews (I just read one) and some of what’s said is definitely true. The review I read mentioned how the director was extremely literal (”Strawberry Fields” comes to mind, where Jude — yes, of “Hey, Jude” fame — pins strawberries to a wall) and sort of missed out on what could have been an awesome sentiment about the current state of the world. He said it was “far removed” from 2007 and very much stuck in its era, though I honestly don’t see what’s wrong with that. I know it’s fashionable to draw parallels between Vietnam and Bush’s stupid war, but at the same time, it was really moving to see a different time. It really just made me feel hopeless, watching the scenes of Vietnam, and I was smart enough to connect the dots by myself instead of having the director do it for me. So to me, it’s okay.

The lieralness did get to me a bit. Only when several lines from the movie were direct Beatles’ song quotes (i.e. Prudence crawled in through an open window and Jude said, “She Came in Through the Window”).

Overall though, it was just lovely. I really adored listening to the singing and the way each song had a new sound. For example, “I Want to Hold Your Hand” wasn’t an up-beat pop tune but was a girl’s angsty lament about her unrequited love for a cheerleader. It was dark and weird and I loved it.

And as I touched on above, some of it was really brutal and terrifying. Thinking of war always makes my stomach clench, but watching one of the main characters suffer through Vietnam, watching all of his friends die around him, was almost too much. He was so young, and it just hit me that you really didn’t have a choice back then. If you were drafted, you went to war or went to jail. I’d like to think I’d go to jail for my morals, but if faced with that decision, I don’t know what I’d do. I guess sometimes women really don’t think about those kinds of things, because it’s not likely we’ll ever be drafted. Men I would think still have the chance to worry. I don’t envy them.

Anyway, that’s off topic. Another scene that hit me was their Vietnam protest. It was…eerie, actually, how much it resembled my experiences in protests over the Iraq War. The same people, the same chants, the same desperation and pain, the same images of people in body bags with white faceless faces… It was horrid but wonderful at the same time.

Adriann and I bought the soundtrack and listened to it on the way home. We’re hopefully going up to San Francisco for Yaoi Con from October 25th-29th, and I’m going to make a bunch of Beatles’ CDs so Deana can become a fan. ^_^ One step closer to making her like emo!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, not really.

I think this entry is done. I’m glad I’ve started posted again — oh crap, don’t want to jinx it!

There is some good that came out of a rough day today, and I would love to share. I…am a published author!!

Please take a look at http://pingzine.com/web-hosting-magazine/pdf/issue-23.pdf, page 57, to read my article.

I can’t even describe how much it amazes me. Even if it’s not the biggest magazine in the whole world, I have this wonderful memory of my first real day at Lunarpages, sitting on the couches up front, watching people I had never met walking around in flip-flops and shorts, seeing the fish tank, watching Customer Support Reps on the phones, and the best part was when I picked up a magazine called PingZine and my future boss Amy told me, “Oh yeah, I have a couple articles in there” in passing. I read them, of course, and was blown away. I silently wondered, “I wonder if I’ll ever be published here someday…”

And it’s surreal knowing I am. I enjoy the magazine myself, so it’s a bigger pat on the back for me, and just a really decent accomplishment in my life that I’m so incredibly proud of.

I received a letter today from Dean Garner. The purpose was, as I knew it would be, to ask for donations for the Honors College. Last year, I kind of scoffed at it because I was dirt poor. His letter this time really made me think, though.  If not for the Honors College, I honestly have no clue what would have happened to me. I’m sure I’d have gone to college…but would I really have? And what college would it have been? Would I have remained in St. Louis, never met the wonderful friends I made at Adelphi or had those phenomenal experiences I had there? Would I have wanted to be a writer or would I still be flailing at music composition, wishing for Broadway? Would I have moved out with Adriann? Would I even have loved her?

The Honors College was such a huge part of my life. The experiences there touched me in a way few things will, I think, because those experiences were things I could have never done without that place. Without Dean Garner, who called my house to interview me, and when I told him my favorite novel was The Fountainhead, he said it was one of his as well and had I ever read any of her other novels or this or that book? I remember vividly sitting on the floor in my bedroom, talking to Dean Garner, and visualizing him sitting around a huge oak table with a bunch of other hugely important professors who didn’t care about me. And then when I visited the Honors College with my mom, he welcomed us in front of everyone else, remembered my name and my mom’s name and where we were from and my favorite book and musicals.

Every time my mom came up to see me, he engaged her in conversation, really listened and talked to her, and had a great time. He wished me well at graduation, hugged me and said that even though they pronounced my name wrong, he would still miss me.

;___; Blah…it tears me up thinking about him, about the Honors College, about Adelphi and college… Do people miss things the way I miss them? Am I putting more emphasis on these feelings than I should, lamenting things that maybe aren’t so important or life-altering? I don’t know how anyone else feels…I just miss these things so terribly at times, it’s heartbreaking. I don’t know how to properly vocalize what I feel.

In short, I would really like to donate to the Honors College. $50 or whatever I can do will assure some other kid there has the opportunities I did, can do the things I loved so much. Without my own scholarship, I would have struggled to figure out how to attend. It would have been a nightmare. I really hope my contribution can assist in some small way.