I always post about the negative things, so let’s start with the positive.

We are moved out and have been living in our new place for an official week tomorrow. The cats have really taken to this place, as it gives them soooo much more room to run around. They adore the stairs and are even more fascinated by the streams outside. We don’t let them out but just opening the patio door and getting to watch the stream trickle along is wonderful for all of us.

Living with Deana is nice. ^^ We all get along and it’s like having a neverending slumber party. We’ve been ordering pizza a lot. That’s always a good thing in my book. I am a pizza monster.

Adriann and I are considering getting married. =^__^= The circumstances surrounding that out of the blue announcement are not the happiest, but thinking about getting a domestic partnership is actually really making me happy. Even if it doesn’t happen, that’s fine, but I love Adriann more than anything in the world and would love to say we’re officially never leaving one another.

Now for the bad stuff.

Pippin, one of Adriann’s dogs, died several weeks ago. I didn’t want to write about it for a variety of reasons, one of which was that he was just the smallest, sweetest dog in the world. :( I already miss playing fetch with him and watching him roll over on his belly, and getting to cuddle him. I guess he had liver failure and just…died. The last time Adriann and I saw him, he was so thin and not eating or drinking. The other dogs wouldn’t even go near him, something that is so much eerier than it sounds. I cried a lot when he died. It still makes me feel so sad thinking about it, but I’m glad he’s no longer in pain at the very least.

RIP Pippin <3 <3

After that, I found out about my dad and the car, etc. That is at least fixable.

So are you ready for the best part? Oh yes, it gets worse:

Adriann was fired on Tuesday.

The whole situation was out of the blue, which is what made it so unbearable. Her supervisor basically sat her down and said, “Sorry, your sales suck, pack up your stuff”. No notice, no warning, just pack up and get out.

My job is currently unaffected, but mentally, it’s broken me a bit. The way it was done bothers me and of course the fact that Adriann’s friends are coming in from Germany in two weeks and basically she can’t get a job till they leave (who’s going to accept her if she says she has to take a vacation for two weeks a week after she starts?) and that we just moved out, etc… Yeah.

Luckily, Adriann can get on unemployment and they cashed out her vacation and sick days, all of which should pay for rent for the next two months or so. She’ll also be getting two commission checks from work, which will probably pay for another month. Plus savings, plus what I’ll be making (I got a $150 bonus recently, which is good timing).

So there’s an update in the life of Tiara and Adriann. I’ll keep you all posted…but honestly, I don’t much feel like writing here these days. Nothing against journal writing or this specific journal, I’m just too exhausted and mentally stressed that it doesn’t feel relaxing. :(

Maybe I’ll win that short story contest and get $1,000. Yay.

my dad’s moving because he hasn’t made house payments in 3 months.

he can’t pay on my car, so i have to do that now.

i have no car insurance if i don’t find that soon too.

thanks, dad.

I don’t fucking understand how he can let his life get like this. GET A FUCKING JOB sdglshagsfgg T___T I can’t even describe how annoyed and angry and frustrated I am. He can fucking get married and buy cars and a huge fucking big screen and yet he can’t help my sister or even pay his own fucking house bills.

:( I loved that stupid house. I hate what it’s become to me, but I loved it while living there, and I’m never going to see it again. I don’t even know where the hell my dad’s going to live or what he’s going to do. It hurts. I have no clue how to feel or what to feel except that it all sucks. I’m moving next weekend and I can’t even enjoy thinking about that because I have to worry about everything now.

he couldn’t even CALL me to tell me. he kept sending emails with the subject “merry christmas”.

fuck you. :( fuck you.

How is it that I’ve MADE $36,000 this year and yet I still OWE money to the IRS? I think I must be doing something wrong or the tax program I’m using is whack, because seriously?? I’ve already PAID the IRS like $7,000 this year. How can I possibly OWE more?? :(

It makes me sad. I was planning on getting $1500-2000 back this year and paying off my car so my dad has no control over anything of mine anymore. Adriann and were going to save up and buy a brand new Prius.

:( :( :( blarghle blarghle blarghle. I don’t want to have to go into H&R Block or something. :( rawr.

That’s my goal right now. I just entered the NYCMidnight’s Short Story Challenge 2008 and feel like I could possibly have the chance to win something. There are like 13 prizes or something, and admittedly I want #1, but I’d take anything at this point.

Wish me luck! The contest starts this Friday. They’ll be giving me a Genre and Theme. For example, “Romance: A Wounded Soldier” (don’t ask where I just came up with that) and I’ll have one week to write it. If I win my “heat” or category, I’ll move on to the finals. That takes place in March I think, where they’ll give us 24 hours to write a story based on similar qualifications: i.e. a category and theme.

Okay, so I’ve been a closet Tila Tequila fan because of her stupid MTV reality show about choosing between 16 guys and 16 girls to find her “true love” or whatever. Adriann and I grew randomly interested at the premise, and when there was nothing else on, we watched it easily, because it was pretty mindless and always funny to watch the idiot people do stupid things to profess their love for this random “bisexual” girl.

I quote the word bisexual, because there are two kinds of bisexual girls. 1) The true people who believe love holds no specific gender. They could marry a man or woman or something in between. I prefer to call this pansexual, because the point is that nothing should matter but how you fall in love. 2) The girls who know it’s “popular” to “make out” with other girls so they do it either for attention or to snag guys who are into that kind of stuff.

Tila is, I found out, definitely #2.

At the end of the show she was given the choice between Bobby, a kind of puppy dogish kid from a farm or something, and Dani, a butch but incredible emotional girl. In everything, Dani seemed to excel and connect. And Bobby? Well, he was okay. Kind of a dork. Kind of insecure. Kind of awkward. Everybody was betting Tila would go for Dani.

Okay, so I’m slightly upset about the fact that Dani lost — at the time, it basically made me want to throw things at the TV — but really, it’s just a TV show and I was all, “Oh well, at least that cute girl Dani can go out and find someone worthwhile now!” and I was over it. Until today.

Adriann pointed me towards an article about how apparently Tila and her new beau Bobby “broke up” recently…so she’ll be able to do A Shot At Love 2 on MTV next year.

Yeah.

It bugs me because:

1) It proves how utterly fake MTV’s versions of “reality” shows are.

2) It proves how far MTV has strayed from its true “music television” roots.

3) It proves that all America cares about is ridiculous, talentless #2 “bisexual” girls making out every 5 minutes

4) The way Tila said she “loved” everyone on the show drove me effing crazy.

5) There’s really no truth in any of it, and it’s all for publicity.

I dunno. It’s really all ridiculous but it bugs me, and that’s the truth. :)

I uploaded this stuff for my mom to see, but figured I could show you guys too! So enjoy the cuteness of our kittens on their brand new cat tree and then a short clip of Nagini purring all over my hands. :)

And because you all love my kitties, here are some pictures of their grown up cuteness as well.

And this is a shot of the alcohol basket we won from the LP Christmas party…as well as some of the effects which occurred after partaking in some of the gift basket…

lol j/k, but Adriann had some Midori at the party and was pretty tipsy. My excuse was I was just exhausted. Tah for now. <3

It was good.

Nuff said! It was super enjoyable, quirky, and really dark and morbid. So awesome. Final scene = phenomenal.

And  Tim Burton did amazing things with blood. I dislike gore really, and this wasn’t true gore I don’t think, but it was cool. I love the girl’s voice who played Johanna. She was like a little bird. ^^

Johnny Depp was also honestly VERY good as Sweeney. I was a little worried his singing would get in the way, but he did a great job. His voice was actually rather cool. I wouldn’t mind hearing him do more musicals, especially if he gets to slit people’s throats all the time. Heh. He made Sweeney pretty hot.

Yep. Here’s me being girly from our Christmas Party. Also some pics from the LP XMas party a couple weeks ago. Enjoy!    Above: Me, Stephen (LP sales dude), Adriann and then Me, Amy (my boss), Adriann 

It’s been a while since I’ve written something meaningful. I miss the old days of journal writing when I actually had time to write and read other people’s entries and really comment on them. Sometimes I try to comment, but mostly it comes off sounding empty or listless. My intentions aren’t to sound that way, so at least there’s that.

I love my job. I love it sooo much and it is the best job I’ve ever had. But sometimes, I really hate the 40 hour work week. I’m only 24. It seems like other people my age are out doing fun things, hanging out, partying, staying up late. Staying up late to me means midnight. Though Adriann told me someone else we work with, who’s a good deal older, told her he was “out late” on a Friday, which to him meant staying out till 8pm. At least I’m not there yet.

But I’m mentally drained. I took a “vacation” in July, and Adriann and I have gone on several trips since then, but it never seems to be enough. I’d love to travel more. I’d literally adore being in a different place every several months. I know that’s not practical, but it’s a fantasy that someday I hope to fulfill. Every day I’m trying to think up get rich quick schemes that fall through. We’ve thought of everything…just don’t have the time or really the mental patience I think to make it work.

Speaking of getting rich quick, we watched Richie Rich today. It was much better than I remembered, and it was a brainless break from thinking for 2 hours.

I’m sad that I don’t get to go home for Christmas. I really kind of miss my mom’s house in Missouri. I miss the snow. I miss the biting cold (it’s cold here, gets down to the mid-30s at night, but it’s not the same). I miss Main Street and seeing the horses with their winter coats. I miss driving down Highway 94 and Highway K. They’re staples of growing up for me.

Sometimes, I think about moving back to Missouri. I know it wouldn’t make me happy at this point in my life. I think it might drive me crazy. I just wish I could live in two places. When I’m sad and missing Missouri, I could have a small place there. When I long for the ocean or want to see Adriann’s family or chill with Deana and the gang, I could go back to California. Wait, I’d like 3 places - make another one in New York, which I also miss a lot. Those three places all hold different meanings for me - Missouri is about stability and the comfort in things that haven’t changed and catching up with the people I love most. California is about amazing friends and family and a beautiful scene with a laid-back culture. New York reminds me of winter and spring, and it makes me think of walking down the hall in my dorm and running into 20 people I know in a row, all of them awesome and unique people. I remember concerts of Matt Caplan in New York and symphonies in the City; I think about my mom and friends in Missouri and seeing Jenn’s shows and Cuppa Jo and ‘home’; and I think of my incredible life, girlfriend, and job and future here in California.

Why isn’t it possible to combine all those places and things? Why does the world have to be so huge?

My dad keeps sending me Merry Christmas emails. I finally responded today with “MERRY CHRISTMAS EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE 3 DAYS LEFT!!!!!” I tried to be lighthearted, but my dad is just… he makes me uncomfortable and very, very sad. My sister moved out to the building behind our house. The way he says that in an email makes it sound like him and Brenda and her son decorated their hearts out and made it homey for her. The way it really is, because she’s told me, is that there’s no TV, no internet, no hot water or shower, and they forced her out there despite the fact she would rather stay in her own bedroom IN THE HOUSE. It’s wonderful my dad suddenly cares about other people’s kids, but he can’t sit there and pretend through emails that he cares about his own. It’s so frustrating and terrible.

/rant.

We went out last night (we being me, Adriann, Deana, Heather, and Greg) for the Christmas Party. We all went to the Cheesecake Factory. The food was pretty good, and we all got dandied up. Adriann curled my hair and did my makeup, Deana looked like a 50s housewife (that’s a huuuge compliment coming from me!), Adriann was so gorgeous I just wanted to hold her all night, Heather wore an awesome sparkly dress she got for like $5, and even Greg looked nice. Not that he doesn’t always look nice - he just looked nicer than usual. ;)

When we got home from dinner, Heather gave us these styrofoam houses to put together. They’re kind of like non edible gingerbread houses. I didn’t think they’d be fun, but once we got started, we were all soooo into it.

Deana brought over High School Musical 2’s extended edition DVD and we watched the Humahuma music video, which was very, very amusing and cute.

Adriann gave me a Nintendo DS Lite for Christmas. ^__^; It’s an awesome present. I can’t even. She also got me the Jam Sessions game for it, which is kind of like guitar hero, only actually a bit tougher. Heather got me a case for the DS as well as these awesome Japanese-style bowls. They’re friggin awesome.

I bought Adriann a Mighty Mouse for her new Mac. She has another gift coming…which I’ll mention later. ;) Can’t spoil the big surprise.

Christmas Eve I’ll be spending the night with Adriann at her mom and dad’s and then going to her aunt’s house for Christmas. I’m incredibly nervous about it. I feel very out of place, but Adriann’s family is so unbelievably sweet. I’m basically their daughter, and her mom constantly tells me this. It makes me feel better, even though it’s really hard thinking about spending the holidays with someone else’s family.

I bought my mom and grandma tickets to see Blast! at the Fox Theatre for Christmas, as well as $25 gift certificates for Red Lobster. I really wanted to give them a nice gift that would allow my mom to take a night off from work and enjoy herself at no charge to her. Everybody deserves a night off. I just hope it’s okay and they enjoy it.

Well, there’s an update for you. Merry Christmas everybody.

I wish the people in my family could be completely happy. If I could somehow box that wish into a Christmas present, I would give it to my sister and mother and grandmother. My sister especially.

News update: My sister is being forced to move out into the building behind our house so that my dad’s new wife’s family can move into the house. Yeah. That’s messed up. :( Why can’t HER family live outside, where there’s no hot water or shower or TV or internet or phones? Why can’t HER stupid dogs be caged up all day instead of my sister’s cat?

Apparently, my dad’s wife is also yelling at my sister. She has NO RIGHT to yell at my family. At all.

I’m not getting my dad anything for Christmas. I have no clue what to get him. What does he deserve from me?

Also, the lady from the new place we want to rent doesn’t sound ready to rent to us, which worries us. We basically stopped looking everywhere once we had all agree we’d move into this new place. The lady sounded ready to rent to us before, we’ve given her EVERYTHING she should possibly need, and yet days before we have to give our current landlords our 30 days notice, she sends me an email saying she’s worried.

And I understand her worries. We’re young. Our credit’s not perfect. But at the same time, I moved out here from Missouri with literally nothing but my savings and a part time, half-assed job, and have made a great living for myself. Adriann and I have lived out here for a year and a half, we have amazing jobs, our paychecks are good, our bank accounts have money in them, we’ve more than proven we’re self-sufficient, and there are three of us moving out to watch out for one another.

I wrote the lady back telling her, if you don’t want to rent to us, please just say so. I mean, if that’s the case, we need to find something new. Poor Deana has been driving down an hour to work and an hour back every day, and Adriann and I have been planning stuff around the move out date and the new place. It’s frustrating to know that after all this effort, we might not even get to move in. :( And we really want to. Really. It’s a beautiful place, it’s perfect for us, and it reminds me of home a bit, which is a great comfort.

::sigh:: I’m just stressed. I really need a break. I’ve been sick all weekend (didn’t go to work on Friday due to the flu) and I’m just dead mentally and physically.