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Honestly, I wish I was one of those cool punk rocker chicks who could go to all the shows and hang out with the bands and be so cool she doesn’t even realize the level of coolness she has attained.

I’m 24 years old. I shouldn’t be thinking I’m not “cool”. I’m cool. I’m awesome.

Anyway, I want to see Meg and Dia at the House of Blues next week. It’s a random want. I love their song “Monster” and have yet to discover much of the rest of their music, but I feel like you can’t go to concerts just to discover new music, and besides they’re only opening for Angels and Airways, who are okay, but I’d rather just see Mega and Dia. I feel like I’m also not cool enough to be part of their 109,000 member fanbase.

If Hanson came to town, whoaboy, I’d be there in a second, and I’d be MUCH cooler than everybody else, because I know all their songs and have liked them since I was 14. But the bands I like these days, like Fall Out Boy, Bright Eyes, Jimmy Eat World, and Meg and Dia… they’re just too cool for me, I think. It’s like I’m not supposed to belong to those groups.

*sigh* I am thinking of going to London for my sister’s graduation, but the following things are standing in my way:

• Money. Car stuff + new apartment + more car stuff + the money it would cost to fly to London = disastrous
• Time Off. If I do go to Europe, I’d like to go for 2 weeks and really enjoy myself. Right now, I don’t think that’s possible, and I don’t want to jeopardize my job. Even if the trip’s not till September, taking 2 full weeks off would be very, very hard.

We’ll see what happens. I miss updating my blog, so I’m going to try to do that more often now.

I have “Giants in the Sky” in my head. This morning I went on a Sondheim binge and downloaded a bunch of Into the Woods and Sweeney stuff. It makes me want to watch Into the Woods very, very, very badly, but 1) our VCR doesn’t quite work and 2) it’d be best to wait until after the guests leave since they might not fancy it. Though they like musicals, so who knows.

Things I’m worried about:

* car insurance - it’s so expensive…I’m so spoiled that I’ve never had to worry about it till now :(

* car repairs - they were far more expensive than I had anticipated (I wanted to pay $500…the total cost was over $1,000 for only half of what was needed), and Adriann’s grandma wrote out a check for everything so I can’t very well make minimum payments ;_; I appreciate her effort but it puts me in an awkward spot and makes me very, very anxious

* Adriann - I know she’ll be okay, but she has so much stress right now that I think it’s draining her

* credit card payments - I paid off my car so that my dad wouldn’t have control over it, but that was before I realized I’d have to deal with all the stuff above, so now I have that $2,000 to pay off

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* I am just so ready for the world to end.

I’ve been having bad depression and anxiety lately. It’s most likely because of all the stuff Adriann and I have been doing over the past week and a half while her friends are in from Germany, but it’s taking its toll. Here’s everything we’ve done since last week:

* Vegas
* The Grand Canyon (one of the best experiences of my life)
* 8am-1am Disneyland
* 10am-11pm California Adventure

It seems like there was a lot more, but I guess that’s it. @__@ Oh yeah, and WORK. I don’t know how I fit “work” in there, but it’s there somehow, and I’ve actually not fallen asleep at my desk.

Read that last sentence and you can tell how tired I am.

I didn’t make it to the 2nd round of the short story contest. :( It really bugs me, because there was a story I read that I didn’t think was all that great that made it to the 2nd round. Was my story that bad? Was it just because mine wasn’t exhausted with sci-fi? With cliches? Am I just bitter because I lost?

It’s frustrating when you think something you wrote is actually good for a change and nobody else does. I mean, okay, my friends do, but I’d like for strangers to agree as well, even if that shouldn’t matter much.

We saw Sweeney Todd at a $2 theatre the other day, and it was really good. Again. At California Adventure, we got to interact with Crush from Finding Nemo and he called me “Tubular Tiara”, which I was amused by. We’re going to have a bonfire on Friday, which should be fun, but I’m just anxious and feeling so exhausted, so I hope I can separate myself and at least have some fun.

I really want to start writing again. I think once things settle down here and Adriann is back on track, I’m going to devote 5 hours/week to writing. That’s like 260 hours/year, which seems pretty good to me.

*sigh* Time to go. :( :( :(