I have to say, working for Lunarpages is just about the greatest thing in the history of things. It’s very hectic and more often than not I’m crazy busy and thinking about my job even when I’m not there, but it’s very rewarding to say the least. I can’t really say why, but I think one of the reasons is that I really believe in the company and I’m honestly amazed at the amount of work we all do to make sure customers are happy. I hope Adriann gets to see that wonderful side as well, and I’m sure she will. She’s going to work with me, btw, in case any of you didn’t already know! It’s kind of exciting, kind of scary, but mostly just great. :) I’m excited about the money aspect of it as well as the idea that she’s finally going to have a rewarding job. I think working with LP will be a great experience for both of us.
/rant.
In other news, I tried to make amends with Jenn. Don’t think it’s going to do much good, but I’m so exhausted by her actions sometimes that it’s easier just to try and start over. The thought of never speaking to her again always leaves me aching. Sometimes, I sit there and just think, “What would happen if she died tomorrow?” And after my stomach knots up and my throat clenches, I feel like shit. I think that sort of thing about all my friends, and it’s incredibly morbid and very, very unsettling. With Jenn, it’s harder because it would all be so unresolved… Not that resolution ever really makes anything better, but I could always hope.
I put pictures up today at work and FINALLY decorated my cubicle. Yeah, I’ve been there 6 months on Monday and I hadn’t yet decorated. But as I was putting pics up, Tawni came over and asked me about all of them, so I was showing her Jackie and Vickie, the grandma pic of Adriann, my kitties, Jenn, my sister, dad wrestling the croc, etc. She asked, “Don’t you miss them?” and I got this overwhelming nostolgia.
I sometimes miss being a freshman in college. It was a really hard and stressful time, but it was also an invigorating time, and the summer before I left was an incredible memory that I can’t ever forget. It was like this neverending haze. I don’t even remember too many specifics at all; just that it was amazing and that feeling hasn’t been easy to capture in the adult sphere. I think I’m always too anxious and scared of things, of being myself and being loud, but I’m trying to crawl out of that shell a bit. I don’t think it’s worked yet, but then again, no one has really given me the opportunity to feel understood like Jackie, Vickie, and Jenn did back that summer and before and since.
I should mention, Val and Jillian are reading this journal again! :) This makes me soooooo soo happy, because I miss them an incredible amount too. Sometimes, Adriann and I realize just how quiet it is in our apartment, and we lament the fact that Dan’s not screaming and Jillian’s not screaming and they’re not fighting and saying, “I LOVE YOU!” after. And I miss playing hangman with Val or just chatting about tattoos and boys. lol We sound so emo.
Anyway, to Jill and Val — come visit whenever you want!!!! Our apartment is big enough to house you guys and we’d totally love to have you. :) We’d have to do Disneyland and a bonfire at the beach. soooo eeeemoooo.
My back is getting better. I don’t even think I mentioned the fact that it’s been hurt and I’ve been going to physical therapy, but there you have it. Physical therapy SUCKS, btw. The place I have to go to just sucks sucks sucks. I hate every second of it and they’re not nice and they never return my calls and the doctor is Russian or Indian or some combination of both and I can’t understand her. :( I have to go back tomorrow, and I’m not looking forward to it. Mostly…I just wonder why I have to pay $20 to have someone tell me how to do Pilates and hook me up to an electronic massage for 10 minutes. It doesn’t seem worth the effort.
I also have to go an orthopedic specialist… I can’t spell. I’m assuming they’ll give me some ideas for back support pillows, chairs, shoes, etc. I’m going to be like the guy in that Seinfeld episode who gives Elaine the back support mattress and shops at the “Lumbar Yard” or whatever.
Anyway, that’s a short update in the life of Tiara. Enjoy.
