{January 26, 2007} Protected: reply
{January 25, 2007} the survey
It’s been a while for one of these. ;)
Here it is.
1. What would you most like to ask God?
Why?
2. What do you complain about more than anything else?
Anxiety, but I think that’s a pretty good thing to complain about. Better than not having enough pairs of shoes or something.
3. Would you rather have a well paying job that you hated, or a job that you enjoyed that did not pay well?
I’m actually not too sure…but I think if I hated my job, I wouldn’t enjoy the money I earned.
4. Which is more important: intelligence or common sense?
Randomly, I think intelligence. Common sense is COMMON and I guess it’s the precursor to intelligence, but basic common sense bores me. Something special like real, quality intelligence excites me.
5. Do you fulfill your wants and needs, or do you expect others to?
I think I try my hardest to be self-fulfilled because I don’t like expecting other people to fulfill me. Maybe sometimes they do, but I prefer to go it on my own. ;)
6. What fashion trend did you once follow that looked very cool at the time but now looks ridiculous?
Biker shorts, scrunchies, COWBOY BOOTS. Yes, Tiara was a creature of the 80s and 90s. Oh and smiley-face paraphenalia.
7. Do you live more in the past, present, or future?
The past. I have a hard time moving on, especially without some kind of closure. Even with intense amounts of closure, it’s really hard for me.
8. What makes a house a home?
Hm… I think this is kind of a lame question, because I don’t think there’s any one thing that specifically makes a home. Then again…I don’t put too much value realistically on what makes a “home” because, to be honest, I don’t really have one. I think my “home” is Adriann, as cheesy as that sounds. She’s what makes life for me at this point, but this apartment isn’t “home”, nor is Missouri, nor Adelphi. Maybe it’s wherever I am at the time… I don’t know — see why I dislike this question??
9. Would you live your life any differently if you didn’t care what people thought?
Oh gods yes. I’d love life much, much more. But alas, anxiety.
10. Is the male or female body more beautiful?
Male. Though honestly, both are beautiful.
11. What are the most important qualities you look for in friends?
Good sense of humor, intelligence, beauty (not like “zomg she’s so preeeetty!” but more a deep beauty in and out), and talent. It doesn’t hurt if they like any/all of the following: emo music, Harry Potter, Seinfeld, Back…to the Future.
12. Do you possess any of the qualities of your astrological sign? (www.astrologycom.com)
I almost completely fit the description, especially in the relationship section.
13. Would you like a quiet life of safety, or a life of great adventure and uncertainty?
It’s funny. I’ve never cared much either way, but I do notice that I have a lot in common with my Libra sign.
14. Would you make any changes if you found out there is a heaven and a hell?
No. If I knew knew, like there was physical, actual proof of Heaven and Hell, I think I would just be even more afraid of death. :(
15. What do you think is the ideal age?
17.
16. What does your perfect day look like?
Waking up at 10:30, recording an awesome song, working from home, and then going to Disneyland and seeing “wait time: 5 minutes” for Tower of Terror.
17. What is the most fun you’ve ever had at a party?
I’ve never really partied… but I think the Peasant’s Feasts during high school were pretty fun. Also annoying. But fun.
18. What kind of business would you love to start?
A web 2.0 startup that was as successful as Digg.
19. What’s your favorite part of Thanksgiving dinner?
Randomly? Cooking the meal.
20. Is there only one soul mate for each person?
I don’t thin so. I kind of agree with Jackie that a soul mate doesn’t have to be a lover.
21. Where would you choose to live if you had to leave the country?
Iceland. :)
22. What was the last thing you cried about?
Anxiety. :(
23. What do you wish you were better at saying “no” to?
I’m pretty good at saying no. I could do with a bit of saying “yes”.
24. If you could rename yourself, what name would you choose?
Shijin Malfoi, though I’ve grown fond of this Tiara Rea woman.
25. What song evokes the strongest memories for you?
All songs for me evoke memories of certain time periods. I can listen to a song and know exactly how I felt the first time I heard it, how I felt when I would put it on repeat in my room, who I was with when I remembered it, etc. Dashboard Confessional, Lifehouse, and Ben Folds Five really tend to hit hard though.
26. Would you like to be proudest of your accomplishments or your character?
Accomplishments. I’m never proud of my character. Oh wait…what would I like to be proudest of? Then switch that, reverse it.
27. If money were no object, what kind of party would you throw, and where?
Vegas. Stay at the biggest, most expensive hotel and order room service and massages till we puke, the gamble the night away and see a show or five.
28. With whom would you like to trade places for one month?
This is a great feeling, but for once I can honestly say — NOBODY! :D
29. If you could do something dangerous just once, with no risk, what would you do?
Scuba-diving.
30. What are your largest obstacles preventing you from realizing your dreams?
Anxiety.
{January 25, 2007} the old
I was reading some blog entries on my old deadjournal account (savedglory.deadjournal.com — I am sooo original), and some of them made me really sad. I was in a strange, odd place in my life then. In some aspects, I haven’t changed a bit. In others, I am a completely new person and it baffles me when I read those old things. Enjoy a little bit of my not-so-distant-but-nearly-two-year-old past with thoughts on Dawson’s Creek:
{January 25, 2007} 10 Things That Went Wrong
1. I went to bed after 1am. Woke up at 2:30 with HORRIBLE stomach pains. They were so bad that after I went to the bathroom, I collapsed in the hallway and couldn’t make it to the bedroom (two feet away) for another five minutes.
2. I forgot to put the coffeepot on the coffeemaker. Yes, let me repeat that so the stupidity of this action can sink in for the rest of the world. I, Tiara Rea, forgot to put the coffeepot, which is needed when you are making coffee, on the coffeemaker. This resulted in a HUGE puddle of overflowing coffee at 7:30am when I got up to poor myself a mug for work. I didn’t, of course, forget to set the automatic timer. I didn’t forget to check and make sure I filled the coffeepot up with water. So I spent what should have been 10 relaxing minutes this morning before work cleaning up a mess I didn’t even make but which was my fault.
3. I got a parking ticket for $34 which stated I was in the way of the street sweeper. Let me repeat: I, Tiara Rea, was in the way of the ALMIGHTY EFFING DAMN STREET SWEEPER. Ehem. Even though they’ve already OUTLAWED parking in the school on weekdays AND ticket anyone on the OTHER side of the street on Sundays or Mondays or whenever they feel like it and then give me a ticket for PARKING when there’s NO SIGN ANYWHERE ABOUT ANY DAMNED STREET SWEEPER. Wtf, I ask you, City of Almighty Placentia?? W.T.F.
4. I didn’t have enough time, because of coffee spillage and ticket anger to get to Starbucks for a replacement coffee. Nuff said, really. I hate being without caffeine in the morning.
5. The help ticket desk at LP was IN.SANE. 80 effing tickets that took me from 8:30-12 to finish. On a heavy day we can usually have around 20-30 tickets, which take all of one or two hours.
6. I forgot my notes from Affiliate Summit West, which I needed to transcribe what I learned from the Conference to relay to Amy to relay to Ron.
7. I turned in said document late, only after Amy got on my case.
8. They no longer make enchilladas at Taco Bell. This may not seem like much of a bad thing, but I was CRAVING it and I didn’t want to spend a lot of money considering I lost $60 in Vegas.
9. While I was eating at Taco Bell, I spilled Code Red Mountain Dew all over my pants so that, yes, it looked like I had wet myself.
10. No reply from Jenn.
Despite these horrid events, some good did come of today, because I signed up a HUGE web designer to the Lunarpages Affiliate Program and already he’s given us about 10-15 sales. I know he’ll bring us more, and here’s hoping it’s a LOT more. He said, and I nearly quote, “From now on, I’m referring all my clients to Lunarpages.” S’what I like to hear. :)
The girlfriend and I stayed up really late last night, just talking. I was upset about the Jenn thing and she was upset that I keep going back to Jenn. Not upset like she’s jealous upset but upset because Jenn tends to treat me like crap and I go back anyway upset. I guess there’s just so much history between Jenn and I that I don’t want to lose her for good, no matter if she has stopped caring completely about our friendship. Her lack of a response means one of two things: 1) she’s feeling angry at me and is trying to figure out the best defense or 2) she’s too mad at me to reply. I tried to be very level in that message to her, and it needed to be said.
If she doesn’t want to work at our friendship, I can’t see trying to hold onto it. I’m not going to be like Kelly and say, “Goodbye, Jenn…. FOREVER”, but at the same time I’m not going to call her “my best friend” when she’s really not anymore.
It’s sad… sometimes I think about the things I am most hurt by, and one of the top ones was my first kiss with Jenn. I wish she wouldn’t have taken that away from me. :(
{January 23, 2007} Protected: the real letter
{January 22, 2007} Protected: 1…….2……3
{January 20, 2007} here we go
Leaving tomorrow morning for Affiliate Summit West. I’m incredibly nervous. I guess it’s mostly because I’m still so incredibly new to Affiliate marking and I’m just afraid of saying or looking stupid. I guess the goal of these things is to network, make friends, and ultimately gain something you didn’t have before for your business. It’s all about talking, hand-shaking, and like…selling yourself. And I think I’m going to fall a little short.
But I’m going and that’s that. Even though I’m still incredibly sick and coughing up my right lung and pretty nervous and having anxiety attacks, I’m going, because I think it’s going to be really good for me in the long run.
What’s more important right now is that Snowball Marstall has passed away. :( It really breaks my heart a little, because Snowball was such a great dog for that family — my favorite family in the world and my second on. She was 13 years old and lived an extremely full and happy life. RIP Snowball. You really touched a lot of people and you probably never knew it.
It’s always so hard for me, looking at pictures of people who no longer exist…and with Snowball, it seems no different. You’ll be missed. <3
{January 17, 2007} dad:
Love you. I am always proud of you. Wish I could have been better as a dad.
I wish you wouldn’t say things like that to me. I’ve never said you were a bad father or anything like that. I have my own issues about it, but that doesn’t mean I think you did a bad job. You did what you thought was good and right for us, I hope, and I know that if you could change certain things you would and that’s what makes you better for it. I do love you, it’s just hard when I hear what you did to mom and what you do to Tiffany. You don’t do those things to me, so it’s hard for me to dislike you…then you send things like this, out of the blue, and I feel like shit because of it. You have no idea the pressure and guilt you put on me when you say things like, “when *I* was young” and “my dad died before *I* could do such and such”. I’m not you. You’re not your dad. YOU’RE NOT DEAD.
:( I wish I could mend things, I wish I knew how, and I wish above all that you would call me to say hi and not to talk about what a bad daughter Tiffany is, how you hate and miss mom, and how you’re lonely but proud of me. I KNOW, OKAY? I know. Just say, “How are you?” and we can move on and maybe you won’t feel so alone anymore.
I’m sorry I can’t be a better daughter. It’s never how we plan these things.
{January 17, 2007} wearing big girl shoes
This weekend I am to attend Affiliate Summit West in Las Vegas with Amy, Mike, Joe, and the CEO’s son Chad. It’s a pretty big deal, and it’s all paid for by the company. There will be thousands of people there, we get to sit in on uber-important business panels about Affiliate Marketing, and I get to wear a spiffy Lunarpages t-shirt.
However, I’m obviously nervous. And right now, as I sit here with kleenex stuffed up my nostrils because I’m a baby and have a terrible cold, I think I am way too young for this kind of thing. Not that you have to be old to go (check the pictures I posted — these guys are all young), but I just feel inexperienced, immature, and unintelligent.
When I was in high school, I would have balked at the idea of me sitting in a marketing chair for some huge company. I would have gloated over the Bohemian ideal of making no money doing the thing that you love most. If Amanda and I still talked, I’m sure she would hate me. Brooke too.
Nevertheless, I’m excited about wearing big girl shoes this weekend. I mean, I get to go to VEGAS for FREE, so there’s got to be something in that, right? I also get the chance to prove myself as not just “the new girl who works with Mike” but as Tiara, Princess of Power.
Speaking of big girl shoes, I’ve been ANSWERING PHONES at work for the past week or so. It’s a pretty big deal for me, because I haaaaate phones and I hate dealing with stupid people (people who LIKE phones). But it’s been really good, mostly because I know every answer off the top of my head, which makes me appear intelligent, and if I don’t know it, I get to say, “Could you hold for just a sec?” and I get to press the HOLD button.
It’s the little things.
So after this weekend, Adriann and I are going to Vegas the following weekend to see Zumanity and blow all our change on the $1 slots. teehee, slots. And after that, Adriann, Deana, Heather, Greg, Karla, Sandra, Deana’s sis and her bf, and I are all going up to spend the weekend in a cabin in the mountains! They’re drawing straws for the master bedroom (which has a fiiiireplace!), so here’s hoping Adriann and I get lucky. ;)
So there’s an update on my life. Plus, I finally deleted info on myspace. Goodbye forever, you silly corporate entity!
{January 12, 2007} letter
Dear _____,
I want to talk to you. I don’t feel like I know you at all anymore. I get really depressed when I listen to CDs you made for me. The music just reminds me you don’t care. I can’t keep following you, wondering where I stand in your life and if you care and just don’t show it…
I drove all the way to Northwest Plaza to buy tea for you at Teavana. You had a party to go to instead. I know you wrote on Christmas, but gimmie a break — I’m only in town for five days and I have to see my family sometime.
I consider this your fault because I feel like this time I tried really hard. I tried to be level-headed, not worry too much, I even called you three times. Left two messages. You sent me one myspace and a text at 12am.
I want to let you go, because I don’t think either of us are gaining from our friendship. If things could go back to how they were when I knew you, I’d love that. If not, take care, be safe, and continue to make the most innovative music I’ve ever heard.
Sincerely,
Tiara.
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