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Honestly, I wish I was one of those cool punk rocker chicks who could go to all the shows and hang out with the bands and be so cool she doesn’t even realize the level of coolness she has attained.

I’m 24 years old. I shouldn’t be thinking I’m not “cool”. I’m cool. I’m awesome.

Anyway, I want to see Meg and Dia at the House of Blues next week. It’s a random want. I love their song “Monster” and have yet to discover much of the rest of their music, but I feel like you can’t go to concerts just to discover new music, and besides they’re only opening for Angels and Airways, who are okay, but I’d rather just see Mega and Dia. I feel like I’m also not cool enough to be part of their 109,000 member fanbase.

If Hanson came to town, whoaboy, I’d be there in a second, and I’d be MUCH cooler than everybody else, because I know all their songs and have liked them since I was 14. But the bands I like these days, like Fall Out Boy, Bright Eyes, Jimmy Eat World, and Meg and Dia… they’re just too cool for me, I think. It’s like I’m not supposed to belong to those groups.

*sigh* I am thinking of going to London for my sister’s graduation, but the following things are standing in my way:

• Money. Car stuff + new apartment + more car stuff + the money it would cost to fly to London = disastrous
• Time Off. If I do go to Europe, I’d like to go for 2 weeks and really enjoy myself. Right now, I don’t think that’s possible, and I don’t want to jeopardize my job. Even if the trip’s not till September, taking 2 full weeks off would be very, very hard.

We’ll see what happens. I miss updating my blog, so I’m going to try to do that more often now.

I have “Giants in the Sky” in my head. This morning I went on a Sondheim binge and downloaded a bunch of Into the Woods and Sweeney stuff. It makes me want to watch Into the Woods very, very, very badly, but 1) our VCR doesn’t quite work and 2) it’d be best to wait until after the guests leave since they might not fancy it. Though they like musicals, so who knows.

Things I’m worried about:

* car insurance – it’s so expensive…I’m so spoiled that I’ve never had to worry about it till now :(

* car repairs – they were far more expensive than I had anticipated (I wanted to pay $500…the total cost was over $1,000 for only half of what was needed), and Adriann’s grandma wrote out a check for everything so I can’t very well make minimum payments ;_; I appreciate her effort but it puts me in an awkward spot and makes me very, very anxious

* Adriann – I know she’ll be okay, but she has so much stress right now that I think it’s draining her

* credit card payments – I paid off my car so that my dad wouldn’t have control over it, but that was before I realized I’d have to deal with all the stuff above, so now I have that $2,000 to pay off

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* I am just so ready for the world to end.

I’ve been having bad depression and anxiety lately. It’s most likely because of all the stuff Adriann and I have been doing over the past week and a half while her friends are in from Germany, but it’s taking its toll. Here’s everything we’ve done since last week:

* Vegas
* The Grand Canyon (one of the best experiences of my life)
* 8am-1am Disneyland
* 10am-11pm California Adventure

It seems like there was a lot more, but I guess that’s it. @__@ Oh yeah, and WORK. I don’t know how I fit “work” in there, but it’s there somehow, and I’ve actually not fallen asleep at my desk.

Read that last sentence and you can tell how tired I am.

I didn’t make it to the 2nd round of the short story contest. :( It really bugs me, because there was a story I read that I didn’t think was all that great that made it to the 2nd round. Was my story that bad? Was it just because mine wasn’t exhausted with sci-fi? With cliches? Am I just bitter because I lost?

It’s frustrating when you think something you wrote is actually good for a change and nobody else does. I mean, okay, my friends do, but I’d like for strangers to agree as well, even if that shouldn’t matter much.

We saw Sweeney Todd at a $2 theatre the other day, and it was really good. Again. At California Adventure, we got to interact with Crush from Finding Nemo and he called me “Tubular Tiara”, which I was amused by. We’re going to have a bonfire on Friday, which should be fun, but I’m just anxious and feeling so exhausted, so I hope I can separate myself and at least have some fun.

I really want to start writing again. I think once things settle down here and Adriann is back on track, I’m going to devote 5 hours/week to writing. That’s like 260 hours/year, which seems pretty good to me.

*sigh* Time to go. :( :( :(

Here’s some ideas for the wedding that could be. ;)

Christine – I mean, Adriann! Cast your vote on the best dress for my lovely.
1. [removed ^^]

2. (the back is corseted)

3.

And now for the bridesmaids! Choose your favorite <3

1.

2.

3.

And of course, moi!

1. (obviously I’d have better pants and colors x.x!)

2. (in black, obv)

3.  ….there is no number three, because tuxedos suck. x.x Somebody find me a #3.

I always post about the negative things, so let’s start with the positive.

We are moved out and have been living in our new place for an official week tomorrow. The cats have really taken to this place, as it gives them soooo much more room to run around. They adore the stairs and are even more fascinated by the streams outside. We don’t let them out but just opening the patio door and getting to watch the stream trickle along is wonderful for all of us.

Living with Deana is nice. ^^ We all get along and it’s like having a neverending slumber party. We’ve been ordering pizza a lot. That’s always a good thing in my book. I am a pizza monster.

Adriann and I are considering getting married. =^__^= The circumstances surrounding that out of the blue announcement are not the happiest, but thinking about getting a domestic partnership is actually really making me happy. Even if it doesn’t happen, that’s fine, but I love Adriann more than anything in the world and would love to say we’re officially never leaving one another.

Now for the bad stuff.

Pippin, one of Adriann’s dogs, died several weeks ago. I didn’t want to write about it for a variety of reasons, one of which was that he was just the smallest, sweetest dog in the world. :( I already miss playing fetch with him and watching him roll over on his belly, and getting to cuddle him. I guess he had liver failure and just…died. The last time Adriann and I saw him, he was so thin and not eating or drinking. The other dogs wouldn’t even go near him, something that is so much eerier than it sounds. I cried a lot when he died. It still makes me feel so sad thinking about it, but I’m glad he’s no longer in pain at the very least.

RIP Pippin <3 <3

After that, I found out about my dad and the car, etc. That is at least fixable.

So are you ready for the best part? Oh yes, it gets worse:

Adriann was fired on Tuesday.

The whole situation was out of the blue, which is what made it so unbearable. Her supervisor basically sat her down and said, “Sorry, your sales suck, pack up your stuff”. No notice, no warning, just pack up and get out.

My job is currently unaffected, but mentally, it’s broken me a bit. The way it was done bothers me and of course the fact that Adriann’s friends are coming in from Germany in two weeks and basically she can’t get a job till they leave (who’s going to accept her if she says she has to take a vacation for two weeks a week after she starts?) and that we just moved out, etc… Yeah.

Luckily, Adriann can get on unemployment and they cashed out her vacation and sick days, all of which should pay for rent for the next two months or so. She’ll also be getting two commission checks from work, which will probably pay for another month. Plus savings, plus what I’ll be making (I got a $150 bonus recently, which is good timing).

So there’s an update in the life of Tiara and Adriann. I’ll keep you all posted…but honestly, I don’t much feel like writing here these days. Nothing against journal writing or this specific journal, I’m just too exhausted and mentally stressed that it doesn’t feel relaxing. :(

Maybe I’ll win that short story contest and get $1,000. Yay.

my dad’s moving because he hasn’t made house payments in 3 months.

he can’t pay on my car, so i have to do that now.

i have no car insurance if i don’t find that soon too.

thanks, dad.

I don’t fucking understand how he can let his life get like this. GET A FUCKING JOB sdglshagsfgg T___T I can’t even describe how annoyed and angry and frustrated I am. He can fucking get married and buy cars and a huge fucking big screen and yet he can’t help my sister or even pay his own fucking house bills.

:( I loved that stupid house. I hate what it’s become to me, but I loved it while living there, and I’m never going to see it again. I don’t even know where the hell my dad’s going to live or what he’s going to do. It hurts. I have no clue how to feel or what to feel except that it all sucks. I’m moving next weekend and I can’t even enjoy thinking about that because I have to worry about everything now.

he couldn’t even CALL me to tell me. he kept sending emails with the subject “merry christmas”.

fuck you. :( fuck you.

It does make me sad to know he died. :( I dunno…he was just doing all these awesome things and set to do some really great movies, really expanding his roles as an actor. I dunno, Adriann and I were talking about it, and it’s just so terrible that people who aren’t ruining their lives with drugs and alcohol have to die, while people who ruin their lives with that stuff are still doing all that crap, not caring for anybody else or even themselves. I’m not saying I’d like all people who do drugs/alcohol/etc to die – I’m just saying it wouldn’t be a surprise to hear that Britney Spears died of an overdose or something, while it’s a real shock that someone who was set to do wonderful things just…died.

I guess the suddenness of it is the worst. Who was expecting this? :(

I’m even more excited to see Batman now.

You’ll be missed, Heath. :’(

So…it’s over! I just turned in my entry for the NYCMidnight Writing Contest. Adriann helped me hardcore today go through the last draft and make it as good as possible. It turned out to be 2,411 words, just under the 2,500 word count limit, and I’m mentally exhausted but so glad I pulled through. I don’t think I’ll know for some time whether or not I mad it to the next round (considering my “heat” is the last one posted, I assume I’d be last to know either way) but I am so incredibly hopeful. I did the best job I could, and at the very least, this experience took me out of my comfort zone and pushed me to try something new.

If you’re curious (and I’d appreciate your honest thoughts), here is the final draft. Enjoy.

Displacement by Tiara Louise Rea